Deep and Wide

Recent events have led to in depth thinking, reexamining, reconsidering, and self questioning. Two words best summarize these mental exercises: Deep and Wide

Full of gusto, caffeine, and rare vitamin D from the disk in the sky, found me fifteen minutes ahead of my two hiking partners. With precious alone time, I allowed the surroundings guide me not necessarily to the obvious end.

The end being the terminus of Eagle Glacier. My first unhired guide was the surprising array of colors amongst the canyon walls: rusty orange, gun barrel gray, blinding snow reflecting glare and its near cousin and ominous shady overlay. Eleven shades of glacier blue was ahead, past the midnight black of the scoured out walls.

Thanks to Juan for taking this picture as I head across the second lake en route to Eagle Glacier

Without thinking or reason, I wound atop a house sized boulder sitting as if waiting for the next guide to continue the sensory tour. Unannounced guides made their grand entrance by dropping hundreds of feet off knife scraped edges towards the snow covered bottom of the U shaped valley floor. Movements did not match the arrival of sound as the valley played a game of hide and seek. My locating device was unable to locate these sound producers, thus I had no idea how large the pebble, rock, boulder, or slab was The lack of resounding booms put my mind at ease.

Standing alone with my thoughts, totally aware of my surroundings and nothing else. No distractions this was total freedom, freedom of the mind. Time became a second by second account of history in action. Listening to rocks fall, seeing finely crushed gravel beneath larger rocks and then the glacier itself. Understanding of a process was beginning to become a reality. Away from a lecture , theory, or story I was present amidst the daily operations of a glacier.

Suddenly I understood how it works and why it works. The glacier was showing me her secrets. They weren't hidden, it just took freedom of the mind and patience. Eagle Glacier was the literal Deep and Wide.

Other events led to more figurative interpretations of the Deep and Wide.

The scene: a large living room parts late 80's home entertainment center, part thrift store well worn furniture. My familiar comfy reading room was transformed. All the windows were covered up and scores of tea lights placed around the periphery of the room. Additionally, tiny aluminum foil islands were placed on the golden shag carpet and illuminated by even more tea lights. Imagine looking down from the sky and seeing a chain of islands manned with lighthouses and beacons to guide one safely home.

Once set, the guests were invited up to sit on the floor in a circle. Some of the guests had been here before, returning because their experience was worth repeating. Newcomers traveled from locations including: Vermont, Iowa, Michigan, Kansas, and California. This being the middle of March it resembled the opening round for NCAA basketball tourney and its country wide representation.

The guests, more specifically SAGA's new AmeriCorps Crew Leaders were given a back story and instructions for the impending ceremony. The talking device was a Tlingit style paddle and the holder of said item was the lone speaker. After three days of living together, the Crew Leaders had been getting to know one another through various activities and lessons. They were receiving an introduction to the upcoming season. But now something more personal, deeper, and thought provoking on both the listener and speaker side was about to take place. The task at hand was to answer the question: why are you here? But with one caveat. Not the stock answer because I want to see Alaska, no why are you really here?

After the instructions were orated the talking stick was placed in the middle of the candlelit room. Silence followed, a time to think and gather one's thoughts. Finally, someone stood up and deliberately walked to the middle and took possession of the talking device. She expounded on her reasons as everyone else listened and began to get a deeper understanding of the speaker and their motivations.

A clockwise rotation developed and participants shared or passed as this was a challenge by choice proceeding. How often have you been in a gathering of greater than 30 and been able to share heavy thoughts with people who three days ago prior were perfect strangers? The ceremony took on a magical feeling between the heartfelt two way communication of active listening and open speaking. The flickering of candles set the comforting tone. The task was difficult both for listening and formulation one's own answer.

Upon my opportunity words sputtered out, coherent during formulation but scattered in practice. Something about building community and following my passions. After finishing I intently listened to all remaining in the room. Closing was a mimicry exercise. Sounds were produced with our hands to simulate a passing rainstorm. The leader started snapping fingers and it went around the room until the next movement. I closed my eyes and could fell the rain wash away fears and apprehensions and was left with clean refreshed feeling.

After further examination of my explanation, I'm still not sure of the Deep and Wide reasons as to why I'm here out the road in Juneau, AK. Perhaps the next visit with a glacier will allow me the time and patience to seek the true answers.